Alabama knows what’s best for you …

The Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board apparently thinks Alabamians are too weak in self-control, too stupid to know what’s good for them – to buy beer from a brewery without the Board’s intrusively looking-over-their-shoulder.

The Board is insulting Alabama citizens by considering a new rule that would require brewers to collect the name, address, age and phone number from anyone who purchases beer at a brewery for off-premise consumption. This idea, the brainchild of some “fat-for-brains” appointee, seeks Big Brother powers in knowing how much beer a private citizen purchases – legally purchases, mind you.

Why stop there? Government should be able to know how much chocolate you buy, right? Oh, yeah – and chocolate barrelbustmilk, too – because “studies have shown” too much chocolate or chocolate milk or cigarettes – or fruit punch – or avocados – can be bad for you.

Nick Hudson of Free the Hops, a proponent of the craft beer industry in Alabama has been quoted as saying, “As nonsensical as it might seem, this rule would essentially empower the ABC Board to come to an individual’s house to confirm his or her purchase of a six pack of beer.” Tommy Djilas would be saying “Oh, great honk!” (Google it, folks – companion told me about it)

If it came to that, I would be telling you folks in Alabama when you are approached by the Board to confirm how much beer you bought to tell them “none of your damn business – and get your ass off my property” – and then add, “I’m not saying a damn thing without my attorney present.”

Alabama Brewers Guild Executive Director Dan Roberts says the Board told him the names, addresses, ages and phone numbers would be used to verify the enforcement of Alabama’s 288-ounce limit a person can buy at one time. Two one-gallon growlers and one quart growler. Another asinine regulation brought to the people of Alabama by overreaching pin-heads with a bloated sense of self-importance.

Dang, I guess if we lived in Alabama, companion couldn’t take his truck down and buy fifty one-gallon growlers at one time. Who are these “great thinkers” of the Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board?

Never mind, it doesn’t matter – the only pertinent information about this Board is that they actually think theyCXR59R Abraham Lincoln 16th President of the United States know what is best for others – and by god, they are going to ram it down their fellow-citizens throats – and after they do, what will these Board members do? Heck, we need to know! Will they stop at a fast food restaurant on the way home? Will they “supersize it”? Will they get a large order of French fries? Regular soda instead of diet? Shame, shame … if you do, we’re gonna tell on you.

Abraham Lincoln once said that Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man’s appetite by legislation and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. So true.

CV Pillay (Google it, folks – companion told me about him) has a great saying which I believe is so appropriate for the Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board:

“Never worry about what I’m doing. Only worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.”
Great honk!

Posted on by Jax Brew Bitch in Blog Comments Off